Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
