it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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