We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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