Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
