sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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