She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
