Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
