I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
