she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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