either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
