took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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