okay pat passed out under dana's car
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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