We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
