apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
