Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
