you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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