Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
