I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
