I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
