Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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