I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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