I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Randomize
