he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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