you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
