and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
