I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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