My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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