Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
