I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
being pregnant is like rehab
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
