I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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