you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize