well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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