i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need to wash the frat house off of me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
