I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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