and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Green mimosas i think yes
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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