So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize
