her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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