so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
