that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
