I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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