Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
