Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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