when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
