You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
