Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
