the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just want nice things and good sex
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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