sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
