I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
