She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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