I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
