Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
