someone get that fucking seahorse.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
