Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
