It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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