Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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