After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
