So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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