yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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