You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
