I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize