I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
