i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
