So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
