dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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