would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
