brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
